Archive for February, 2012
Excuse my logic but if you are confounded by a seemingly insurmountable problem there is hope.
One of my best friends at college who is today a very successful businessman (his sophisticated marketing ideas were even once mentioned in Time Magazine) had a method of solving problems that is downright ingenious.
He said that if he had trouble figuring out what to do about something, he closed his eyes and imagined that he was seated at the head of a long conference table. Seated at each side of this table were experts in whatever field of endeavor his quandary fell under. He would then ask the members of his imaginary think tank to suggest a course of action.
So let’s say for example that President Obama wanted to apply this methodology to solving our country’s economic woes. He could sit himself down in the oval office and order all staff to leave. Then he could close his eyes and picture seated around him economic luminaries past and present. He would be surrounded by the likes of Milton Friedman, John Kenneth Galbraith, John Maynard Keynes, Paul Krugman, Paul Volcker, John D. Rockefeller, Warren Buffett, J. Paul Getty, J.P. Morgan and Mickey Mouse.
Did I just add Mickey Mouse to that illustrious list? Just making sure you are paying attention.
This simple technique of problem solving has infinite possibilities. Take a single guy having trouble scoring a hot girlfriend. He could sit down, close his eyes and imagine seated around him a bevy of famous beautiful women. He could ask each of them their favorite turn-on. Then he could apply the intelligence he gathered toward the attempt at securing a significant other. Notice I didn’t name any of these beauties by name as I would hate to ruin my marriage.
A comedian searching for good material could picture himself surrounded by Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, David Letterman, Eddie Murphy, George Carlin and so on.
So by now you get the picture. This approach to solving dilemmas can be utilized to obtain the answers to almost any riddle known to mankind.
I think the hipsters in today’s society have a nickname for a similar process. When someone is summoning the spirits of others, past or present, it is referred to as “channeling.” I remember hearing when Lady Gaga serenaded Bill Clinton last October at the “Decade of Difference,” concert celebrating Clinton’s Foundation, some observers commented that she was channeling Marilyn Monroe.
So happy channeling. However, remember, don’t get too comfortable in the fantasy land that you create for yourself.
You may oversleep dinner.
Copyright 2012; Greg S.
Excuse my logic but I love looking at bumper stickers on cars and then drawing a picture in my mind as to what kind of person the driver of that car is.
Now there are as many bumper stickers out there as there are people unhappy with the current state of affairs. Below are just some of my favorites, some in particular for their acerbic nature. Next to each bumper sticker slogan is my theory as to who is driving that car.
- “There is no gravity, the Earth just sucks”. A moribund, miserable person who you’d just love to flash the bird at.
- “I’ll keep my guns, money and freedom. You can keep The Change.” John McCain, Sarah Palin lover.
- “My other car is a Mercedes.” Delusional person who probably couldn’t even spell Mercedes if asked to.
- “The Meek Shall Inherit Shit.” Type-A personality ball buster who you’d best just walk away from.
- “Three Wise Men. Are You Serious?” A bona fide man hater who probably would have voted for Michele Bachmann.
- “The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.” WOW. Bet he’s got like one friend.
- “I am a fan of the Boston Red Sox or whoever’s playing the Yankees.” I could really hit it off with this guy myself as I am a Yankee hater.
- “Somewhere inTexas, a village is missing an idiot.” A bleeding heart liberal who would even have voted Pee Wee Herman for president if it meant defeating George Bush.
- “God is coming and boy is SHE pissed.” Maybe God is a woman but people like this who are always predicting the imminent end of the world are just real downers.
- “Don’t Laugh. It’s paid for.” Was anyone laughing? This person is probably paranoid.
- “My Eighth Grader can beat up your honor’s student.” This guy probably loves to bet on dog fights too.
- “Nuclear Power Plants are built better than Jane Fonda.” This was a popular 1970s sticker. The person who flaunts this message probably thinks the incidents at Three Mile Island, Chernobyl and Japan’s Fukushima Daiichi were just make- believe.
- “University of Hard Knocks.” This sticker resembles one of those formal looking rear window deals that Ivy Leaguers like to flaunt on their car. Do I detect someone with a persecution complex?
- “Nobody on board.” A yellow diamond sticker rear window job akin to those annoying “Baby On Board” affairs. The person who displays these stickers is probably a nerd or geek and likely a very humble and ingratiating type of individual.
- “Life sucks, then you die.” Not someone you want to invite over for a New Year’s party, or ANY party for that matter.
- “America. Love it or Leave It.” This guy probably has one of those “Go Away” doormats at the entrance to his home.
- Last, and my favorite, this slogan wasn’t on a bumper sticker but was rather written on vanity license plates for a shiny expensive looking Jaguar. The driver was a young woman. The license plate simply said “WAS HIS.” Would have hated to be her husband.
Now lest you think from the above sampling some of my favorite bumper stickers that I am one of those beer-chugging, shotgun toting rednecks who drives a pickup truck, please scroll down to see my all time favorite bumper sticker. PEACE.
Copyright 2012; Greg S.